Here is the report of the shenanigans before I hand in my resignation for bringing the great Ravensthorpe CC into disrepute.

A fantastic turn out of 12 hardy souls and a fair turn out of about 20 supporters braved their hangovers and the cold for the inaugural running of the Fancy Dress Annual For Thorpers Event (F.D.A.F.T. Event).

Some deep hidden desires were unleashed on the general public around Hartshead and Windybank yesterday with two “ladies” lucky to keep their dignity intact passing Windybank estate. The 2 Al’s (Alexis and Alicia is how I will always remember them) were resplendant in their hoisery, especially as they managed to avoid laddering them or covering them in oil (easy tiger!!). The only thing that spoilt the sight was the goosebumps poking through their 10 deniers, blurgh!

On another unfulfilled fetish, Craig (Sugar Plum Fairy) had a lovely little tutu but decided not to regale himself with the full fairy outfit (well not on the outside of his clothing, I’m sure I saw a glimpse of shimmering pink lame leotard peeking suggestively from under his jersey. The little minx!!).

Chasing Sugar Plum around after a long time banged up with only his cell mate , Audrey, to ease his desires, was the escaped convict John. It must have been a big urge because this helped produce a great time of 13 minutes and 8 seconds and helped John on his way to victory.

There would have been more convicts if there were any Rozzers about because anytime you got near Howard “Regae Regae” Newton you could almost fly with the herbal aromas from his hidden stash, no wonder he came in 3rd. WADA would have a field day with that one!

Martyn “karate kid” Bolt had a great ride starting as a white belt and finishing as a black belt ( I suspect he wiped his chain down with it half way around), I’m just suprised he didn’t have chops for dinner, da dum tsch!! Ged it? I’ll get me coat

Rounding all the reprebates up was the cowgirl Angela “Emelda Marcos of the boot world”, how she managed to pedal safely in those boots amazes me, AND she is a health and safety manager to boot!

Elliot Bradby was the really insane rider of the day riding on a BMX, he just needed a few half pipes and to fly like ET (he should have had a word with Howard, he could have slipped something into a half pipe to make him fly!).

The most couragous rider of the day was the deadly ninja ice cube himself, Keiran Bradby, who flew around in 22.29 very cold minutes! Next year Keiran ask your dad to go as an Eskimo!

El Presidente actually didn’t come in fancy dress. I suspect Phil “Ebenezer” Rounding wears that every night whilst counting his money under a very dimly lit oil lamp whilst eating gruel! Have a good holiday Phil.

Finally was the essence of Sound of Music on a tandem, nuns and nazis are always a comical mix! Ooops sorry, Andy was a vicar not the Fuhrer dressed as a vicar. As for Linda and her bling cross, well, she could have had someones eye out with that! Respect goes out to you both, Linda for having the audacity of putting her feer on the handlebars and refusing to pedal and Andy for using this as extra training. This is on page 1 of my excuse book when you beat me numerous times this year

Anyway the top 3 are 

1st John Callaghan

2nd Craig Johnson

3rd Howard Newton.

All other results are attached as I’ve prattled on enough already.

Thanks to you all for supporting and hope you had a good day, I certainly did!

There will be a CD floating about soon of photos that my mum’s partner took, if you want it, give me a shout and I will get it to you.

[1] Fancy dress time trial results 2009